- A Question of Trust
- Intro: The Birth of a Blog
- You and Me Could Write a Bad Romance: Part I
- Bad Romance, Part II: The Couch
- Bastard Package #1
- Hallelujah
- Born This Way
- Baby Girl X
- Another Victim of Love
- True Life
- The Girls Who Went Away
- Love and Other Drugs
- 11 Things Adoptees Love to Hear
- Uh, Never Mind
- Adoptee Kid Lit
- Bastard Princess and the Search for the Holy Grail
- MYOFB
- Awkwardness
- Baby Steps
- Faith, Hope, and Catholic Charities
- Special Delivery
- Green-eyed Monster
- !@#$
- Pandora
- Fantasyland
- Adoptees You May Have Heard Of
- Big MAC Attack
- Material Girl
- VISA and Mastercard Accepted
- Don't Hold Your Breath
- Our Love is Like a Constipated Cat
- A Question of Trust
- Adoption, Hollywood Style
- All in the Family
VISA and Mastercard Accepted
I’ve been thinking of starting an adoptee/birth mom support group in the Indy area, since I haven’t been able to locate one yet. I’m sure there have to be others like me, and I’d love to meet them so that we can share our feelings and be ourselves. I plan to ask Mark tonight at therapy if he’d be willing to sponsor a group and work with us.
So last night I did a local Google search on the terms “adoptee support” to determine whether I’d simply missed any existing groups. The search hooked me up with a local law firm, and, though I was skeptical that I’d find what I needed there, I checked it out anyway. Not surprisingly, they painted a sunny picture of adoption as an ideal solution for everyone involved.
The site also featured an “Adoption Myths” page, which stated the following:
“The popular media paints a severe picture of adoption — TV shows, movies and news stories tell of poorly adjusted adopted children who are "searching for their identities." This common stigma ignores the love and compassion that exist between an adopted child and his or her birth parents — a love that wouldn't have existed had the adopted parent chosen to listen to these adoption myths and walk away.
Adopted children often tell of the gratitude they feel toward their adoptive parents and the birth mothers who chose to give them a life full of love and opportunity. If you are considering adopting a child — whether a newborn child, your stepchild, your grandchild or a foster care child — get the facts by contacting the Indiana adoption law firm of Shyster & Slippery, P.C. (In fact, at this very moment, my computer is automatically linking to their website via embedded hyperlinks when key phrases such as “newborn child” and “adoptive parents” are typed. So clever.)
During more than 30 years of practice in adoption law, we have seen thousands of adopted children thrive in homes where loving parents provide them with a world of opportunities.
· Adoption Myth 1: Adopted Children Are Not Well-Adjusted This simply isn’t true. While adopted children often question their heritage and want to learn more about their birth parents, there is nothing stopping them from leading happy, fulfilling and successful lives. There are many successful scientists, artists, businessmen and others who were adopted as children — even Olympians (such as Scott Hamilton) and a president of the United States (Gerald Ford).
· Adoption Myth 2: Adopted Children Cannot Have a Close Bond With Their Adoptive Parents Sharing genes with someone does not guarantee attachment. Adopted children and their parents show bonds as strong as those between biological parents and their children. While those bonds may take longer to form in adoptions involving older children, older children may develop a unique bond with their parents because they realize what their adoptive parents have done for them.”
Wow. Can you tell this was written by lawyers? Obviously they studied adoptee psychology in law school. These guys are clearly professional spin doctors, too. And, to answer my original question, no, they offer no actual supportive resources for the adoptees themselves (contrary to my Google search results), probably since, according to their twisted logic, adoptees don’t have issues. The facts and negative aspects have been brushed off, perpetuating the myth that adoption is always a win-win-win situation for everyone involved. Sign right here on the dotted line, folks—and our retainer fee must be paid in full at your first consultation.
I hate being angry about adoption stuff all the time because it makes me look like an obsessive, bitter bitch and gives us a bad name, but shit like this sends me over the edge. It reinforces the notion that we’re incidental and that our perspective becomes irrelevant after the fees are paid. This oversimplified approach was reflected across the board in my search for adoptee support in our area. Almost every agency website I’ve visited focuses solely on getting the deal done—complete the transaction and hook suppliers up with demanders. Why doesn’t anyone talk about what happens to the babies after the warranty expires? I would fully expect these agencies to at least provide adoptee support groups or playgroups—and a scant few do--but they mostly cater to the holders of the checkbooks. It leads me to realize, sadly, that the capitalistic mentality of the adoption industry seems to have not changed much since the pre-Roe v. Wade era. It used to be taboo for us to acknowledge our “bad” emotions and admit a need for professional guidance; today this approach is unconscionable, even ridiculous. When will people realize that ignoring the real issues won’t make them go away?
One local TV station has a Facebook account and recently mentioned that our current U.S. Surgeon General is spearheading an effort in adoption reform—making adoptees’ long-confiscated adoption and medical records available to them. Guess who was quoted? My favorite lawyers. I couldn’t contain my anger and made a comment about them spouting propaganda just to turn a profit. Of course, I somewhat regretted it later and wondered if I’d be sued for libel (so far, so good). I can be outspoken, but I don’t usually let fly like that. I’m still learning that it’s OK to own my feelings, even if they might bother someone else.
So last night I did a local Google search on the terms “adoptee support” to determine whether I’d simply missed any existing groups. The search hooked me up with a local law firm, and, though I was skeptical that I’d find what I needed there, I checked it out anyway. Not surprisingly, they painted a sunny picture of adoption as an ideal solution for everyone involved.
The site also featured an “Adoption Myths” page, which stated the following:
“The popular media paints a severe picture of adoption — TV shows, movies and news stories tell of poorly adjusted adopted children who are "searching for their identities." This common stigma ignores the love and compassion that exist between an adopted child and his or her birth parents — a love that wouldn't have existed had the adopted parent chosen to listen to these adoption myths and walk away.
Adopted children often tell of the gratitude they feel toward their adoptive parents and the birth mothers who chose to give them a life full of love and opportunity. If you are considering adopting a child — whether a newborn child, your stepchild, your grandchild or a foster care child — get the facts by contacting the Indiana adoption law firm of Shyster & Slippery, P.C. (In fact, at this very moment, my computer is automatically linking to their website via embedded hyperlinks when key phrases such as “newborn child” and “adoptive parents” are typed. So clever.)
During more than 30 years of practice in adoption law, we have seen thousands of adopted children thrive in homes where loving parents provide them with a world of opportunities.
· Adoption Myth 1: Adopted Children Are Not Well-Adjusted This simply isn’t true. While adopted children often question their heritage and want to learn more about their birth parents, there is nothing stopping them from leading happy, fulfilling and successful lives. There are many successful scientists, artists, businessmen and others who were adopted as children — even Olympians (such as Scott Hamilton) and a president of the United States (Gerald Ford).
· Adoption Myth 2: Adopted Children Cannot Have a Close Bond With Their Adoptive Parents Sharing genes with someone does not guarantee attachment. Adopted children and their parents show bonds as strong as those between biological parents and their children. While those bonds may take longer to form in adoptions involving older children, older children may develop a unique bond with their parents because they realize what their adoptive parents have done for them.”
Wow. Can you tell this was written by lawyers? Obviously they studied adoptee psychology in law school. These guys are clearly professional spin doctors, too. And, to answer my original question, no, they offer no actual supportive resources for the adoptees themselves (contrary to my Google search results), probably since, according to their twisted logic, adoptees don’t have issues. The facts and negative aspects have been brushed off, perpetuating the myth that adoption is always a win-win-win situation for everyone involved. Sign right here on the dotted line, folks—and our retainer fee must be paid in full at your first consultation.
I hate being angry about adoption stuff all the time because it makes me look like an obsessive, bitter bitch and gives us a bad name, but shit like this sends me over the edge. It reinforces the notion that we’re incidental and that our perspective becomes irrelevant after the fees are paid. This oversimplified approach was reflected across the board in my search for adoptee support in our area. Almost every agency website I’ve visited focuses solely on getting the deal done—complete the transaction and hook suppliers up with demanders. Why doesn’t anyone talk about what happens to the babies after the warranty expires? I would fully expect these agencies to at least provide adoptee support groups or playgroups—and a scant few do--but they mostly cater to the holders of the checkbooks. It leads me to realize, sadly, that the capitalistic mentality of the adoption industry seems to have not changed much since the pre-Roe v. Wade era. It used to be taboo for us to acknowledge our “bad” emotions and admit a need for professional guidance; today this approach is unconscionable, even ridiculous. When will people realize that ignoring the real issues won’t make them go away?
One local TV station has a Facebook account and recently mentioned that our current U.S. Surgeon General is spearheading an effort in adoption reform—making adoptees’ long-confiscated adoption and medical records available to them. Guess who was quoted? My favorite lawyers. I couldn’t contain my anger and made a comment about them spouting propaganda just to turn a profit. Of course, I somewhat regretted it later and wondered if I’d be sued for libel (so far, so good). I can be outspoken, but I don’t usually let fly like that. I’m still learning that it’s OK to own my feelings, even if they might bother someone else.