- A Question of Trust
- Intro: The Birth of a Blog
- You and Me Could Write a Bad Romance: Part I
- Bad Romance, Part II: The Couch
- Bastard Package #1
- Hallelujah
- Born This Way
- Baby Girl X
- Another Victim of Love
- True Life
- The Girls Who Went Away
- Love and Other Drugs
- 11 Things Adoptees Love to Hear
- Uh, Never Mind
- Adoptee Kid Lit
- Bastard Princess and the Search for the Holy Grail
- MYOFB
- Awkwardness
- Baby Steps
- Faith, Hope, and Catholic Charities
- Special Delivery
- Green-eyed Monster
- !@#$
- Pandora
- Fantasyland
- Adoptees You May Have Heard Of
- Big MAC Attack
- Material Girl
- VISA and Mastercard Accepted
- Don't Hold Your Breath
- Our Love is Like a Constipated Cat
- A Question of Trust
- Adoption, Hollywood Style
- All in the Family
Awkwardness
My dad phoned the other day to check in and say hello. He asked how our marriage counseling was going, and I told him things seemed to be going pretty well. I knew I needed to tell my parents about my search for information on my biomom but was dreading it, although I assumed they’d generally be supportive—or at least my dad would, as they'd told me once before that they'd help me search someday if I wanted to. The door to an excruciating conversation was ajar, so I shielded my hypothetical balls and hurled myself through.
Like many adoptees, I feel guilty about searching, even though I know I shouldn't--it makes me feel like an ungrateful brat. So I quickly decided to work the counseling angle to my advantage and spin it so the blame was on Mark, just in case Dad got defensive and reacted badly. Brilliant! So I smoothly segued into the highlight of the conversation with “Our therapist thinks that a lot of my issues negatively affecting my marriage are rooted in the fact that I was adopted. He thinks finding my birth parents would really help me deal with my pain and get healthy—maybe even eliminate my depression. I’m not sure what I want out of the search part of it, but I agree that it probably needs to be done.” (Yay me!)
Dad’s reaction was surprisingly upbeat. “We were always very happy to have you in our family. There’s a reason your middle name was Joy.” Ugh. It was not about me being the happy one. He didn't acknowledge what I’d said about my many issues, which would have been appreciated, but the rest of the conversation remained fairly light, which was a massive relief. I felt the urge to ask whether he had any more information that would aid in my search but then figured they’d already shared all they knew. No idea how my mom will react—I’m just glad I won’t be the one to break it to her.
Like many adoptees, I feel guilty about searching, even though I know I shouldn't--it makes me feel like an ungrateful brat. So I quickly decided to work the counseling angle to my advantage and spin it so the blame was on Mark, just in case Dad got defensive and reacted badly. Brilliant! So I smoothly segued into the highlight of the conversation with “Our therapist thinks that a lot of my issues negatively affecting my marriage are rooted in the fact that I was adopted. He thinks finding my birth parents would really help me deal with my pain and get healthy—maybe even eliminate my depression. I’m not sure what I want out of the search part of it, but I agree that it probably needs to be done.” (Yay me!)
Dad’s reaction was surprisingly upbeat. “We were always very happy to have you in our family. There’s a reason your middle name was Joy.” Ugh. It was not about me being the happy one. He didn't acknowledge what I’d said about my many issues, which would have been appreciated, but the rest of the conversation remained fairly light, which was a massive relief. I felt the urge to ask whether he had any more information that would aid in my search but then figured they’d already shared all they knew. No idea how my mom will react—I’m just glad I won’t be the one to break it to her.