- A Question of Trust
- Intro: The Birth of a Blog
- You and Me Could Write a Bad Romance: Part I
- Bad Romance, Part II: The Couch
- Bastard Package #1
- Hallelujah
- Born This Way
- Baby Girl X
- Another Victim of Love
- True Life
- The Girls Who Went Away
- Love and Other Drugs
- 11 Things Adoptees Love to Hear
- Uh, Never Mind
- Adoptee Kid Lit
- Bastard Princess and the Search for the Holy Grail
- MYOFB
- Awkwardness
- Baby Steps
- Faith, Hope, and Catholic Charities
- Special Delivery
- Green-eyed Monster
- !@#$
- Pandora
- Fantasyland
- Adoptees You May Have Heard Of
- Big MAC Attack
- Material Girl
- VISA and Mastercard Accepted
- Don't Hold Your Breath
- Our Love is Like a Constipated Cat
- A Question of Trust
- Adoption, Hollywood Style
- All in the Family
Special Delivery
This afternoon, the Catholic Charities file that I’d been waiting weeks—or a lifetime—for finally materialized in a thicker-than-expected manila envelope that buoyed my hope that even more proof of my existence had suddenly materialized. Even though I already knew what it contained, I tore it open eagerly and mounted the sofa to dig in.
Ann had translated it into narrative form for me and printed it on official official Catholic Charities letterhead:
Here is the non-identifying information that we had. Keep in mind that this information is from 1970 and has not been updated.
BIRTH MOTHER
Your birthmother was 18 years old at the time of your birth. She is described as 5’1” tall and weighed 105 lbs. Her hair was dark brown, her eyes were green, and she had a fair complexion. Your birthmother had graduated from high school and was a general office worker. She was Catholic and of English, French, and Polish descent.
HER PARENTS [my grandfather and grandmother]
Her father was 5’11” tall, 170 lbs and had black hair, gray eyes, and a fair complexion. He was a high school graduate and worked as a jewelry salesman. Her mother was 5’4” tall, 140 lbs., with dark brown hair, hazel eyes, and a fair complexion. She had had three years of high school and worked as a stenographer. Both of the parents were Catholic.
HER SIBLINGS:
Your mother was the oldest of three. She had a sister who was 16 years old and a sophomore in high school. Her sister was 5’8” tall, 120 lbs, with brown hair and hazel eyes. She also had a brother who was 10 years old at the time. He had brown hair and hazel eyes and was a student.
BIRTH FATHER:
The birth father was 19 years old and in the service. He was described as 5’10” 160 lbs with dark brown hair and brown eyes. There is no religion or nationality listed for him.
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:
Although you were born in Brookfield, Wisconsin, the record indicates that your birth mother was from Illinois. You were born on 8/11/70. You were a full term infant and weighed 6 lbs 6 ½ oz. and were 20 inches at birth. Length of labor was 10 hours and 30 minutes and there were no complications. You were placed in a foster home on August 17th. Your birth mother, accompanied by her mother, signed surrenders on August 17 and you were placed with your adoptive family on 8/28/1970 at St. Raymond’s. At the time of the placement, the worker described you as a sweet baby with blue eyes, dark hair, and fair complexion. It also says that you slept through the baptismal ceremony at St. Raymond’s.
This is the only non-identifying information in your file. We hope it will answer some questions. I am also including some forms if you wished to work with us as well as Midwest. Although the record did not contain much information, there are some things that we can do to locate your birth mother.”
GREEN EYES! GREEN EYES!
It’s not that much (or enough) information, but to me it's a gold mine—and more than enough to chew on for a while, or at least until the next chunk of information arrives. My adult ADHD-addled brain is still flitting excitedly from detail to detail, like a kid inspecting her Christmas-morning haul, trying to fill in blanks, paint pictures, and calculate answers.
First, I was very relieved to hear that my birth father, the most mysterious character in my story, was actually in the military, NOT employed by a service station, as my dad had told me—a social leap as far as I was concerned. How had he known my mother, I wondered? Where did they meet? Where they boyfriend and girlfriend before I was born? Did they date before he was deployed by the military, or did they have an anonymous drunken one-night stand? Or did he rape her? Did he know about me? Because of the era in which I was born, I’m assuming that my father went to Vietnam, but he could have been anywhere in the world. Was he forced into the military by his family, or was he already active? Is he still even alive? Since his religious affiliation isn’t mentioned, I wonder whether my mother simply didn’t know him (a) well enough or (b) long enough to have learned the answer before he split. Or maybe it just didn’t come up. I’ve read numerous accounts of adoption agencies falsifying file contents, including physical descriptions of birth parents, to prevent search and reunion. So, potentially, all this new information could be bullshit, too. But for now, I’m enjoying being drunk on the few details I have.
Now that I know his physical description and that of my mother, I can conclude that I’m apparently a daddy’s girl. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that my mom was a tiny little thing with green eyes; because of my curves and the fact that I don’t think I’ve ever weighed just 105 pounds at any one moment in my entire life, I must resemble my sturdier-sounding grandmother physically. I’m both shocked and thrilled by the rainbow of eye colors in my mother’s family; I’ve always felt pretty plain and generic with my standard-issue monochromatic brown hair and eyes.
I’m cheered to know that I have an aunt and uncle who wouldn’t be that much older than me. I wonder what they thought of the pregnancy—if they knew at all, since many girls managed to hide their baby bump until they could surreptitiously sneak out of town to deliver. Would they want to meet me if they could? I’m dying to know what they look like, too.
My actual birth information was an added bonus; for some reason, I get a kick out of knowing that the labor resulting in my birth was brief and uncomplicated, as my own were. Can mothers and daughters have labor and delivery characteristics in common? I’ve read that sisters are more likely to be similar than mother and daughter. In my case, anyway, it’s possible.
So now I can actually envision a reunion scenario--with my mother, at least. She sounds like she may have been pretty, even striking, with her dark hair, fair complexion, and green eyes. (Green eyes!) One thing’s for sure: I probably would never recognize her on the street. Now I’m scrutinizing my own children’s bodies in a new way, trying to determine whether any of these surprising new physical features have manifested in them yet…as far as I can see, the dark eyes and hair of their mom and especially their dad have dominated, although it would’ve been neat to see some mysterious variation pop up. Who knows—they may still end up with a light build like their grandparents.
This informational intoxication has already prompted me to take artistic liberties with all of my former biofamily fantasies...a potentially dangerous luxury. Suddenly they’ve morphed into a lovely, fairly nuclear collective with respectable occupations—the perfect cookie-cutter 1970s family--aside from their dirty little secret.
Ann had translated it into narrative form for me and printed it on official official Catholic Charities letterhead:
Here is the non-identifying information that we had. Keep in mind that this information is from 1970 and has not been updated.
BIRTH MOTHER
Your birthmother was 18 years old at the time of your birth. She is described as 5’1” tall and weighed 105 lbs. Her hair was dark brown, her eyes were green, and she had a fair complexion. Your birthmother had graduated from high school and was a general office worker. She was Catholic and of English, French, and Polish descent.
HER PARENTS [my grandfather and grandmother]
Her father was 5’11” tall, 170 lbs and had black hair, gray eyes, and a fair complexion. He was a high school graduate and worked as a jewelry salesman. Her mother was 5’4” tall, 140 lbs., with dark brown hair, hazel eyes, and a fair complexion. She had had three years of high school and worked as a stenographer. Both of the parents were Catholic.
HER SIBLINGS:
Your mother was the oldest of three. She had a sister who was 16 years old and a sophomore in high school. Her sister was 5’8” tall, 120 lbs, with brown hair and hazel eyes. She also had a brother who was 10 years old at the time. He had brown hair and hazel eyes and was a student.
BIRTH FATHER:
The birth father was 19 years old and in the service. He was described as 5’10” 160 lbs with dark brown hair and brown eyes. There is no religion or nationality listed for him.
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:
Although you were born in Brookfield, Wisconsin, the record indicates that your birth mother was from Illinois. You were born on 8/11/70. You were a full term infant and weighed 6 lbs 6 ½ oz. and were 20 inches at birth. Length of labor was 10 hours and 30 minutes and there were no complications. You were placed in a foster home on August 17th. Your birth mother, accompanied by her mother, signed surrenders on August 17 and you were placed with your adoptive family on 8/28/1970 at St. Raymond’s. At the time of the placement, the worker described you as a sweet baby with blue eyes, dark hair, and fair complexion. It also says that you slept through the baptismal ceremony at St. Raymond’s.
This is the only non-identifying information in your file. We hope it will answer some questions. I am also including some forms if you wished to work with us as well as Midwest. Although the record did not contain much information, there are some things that we can do to locate your birth mother.”
GREEN EYES! GREEN EYES!
It’s not that much (or enough) information, but to me it's a gold mine—and more than enough to chew on for a while, or at least until the next chunk of information arrives. My adult ADHD-addled brain is still flitting excitedly from detail to detail, like a kid inspecting her Christmas-morning haul, trying to fill in blanks, paint pictures, and calculate answers.
First, I was very relieved to hear that my birth father, the most mysterious character in my story, was actually in the military, NOT employed by a service station, as my dad had told me—a social leap as far as I was concerned. How had he known my mother, I wondered? Where did they meet? Where they boyfriend and girlfriend before I was born? Did they date before he was deployed by the military, or did they have an anonymous drunken one-night stand? Or did he rape her? Did he know about me? Because of the era in which I was born, I’m assuming that my father went to Vietnam, but he could have been anywhere in the world. Was he forced into the military by his family, or was he already active? Is he still even alive? Since his religious affiliation isn’t mentioned, I wonder whether my mother simply didn’t know him (a) well enough or (b) long enough to have learned the answer before he split. Or maybe it just didn’t come up. I’ve read numerous accounts of adoption agencies falsifying file contents, including physical descriptions of birth parents, to prevent search and reunion. So, potentially, all this new information could be bullshit, too. But for now, I’m enjoying being drunk on the few details I have.
Now that I know his physical description and that of my mother, I can conclude that I’m apparently a daddy’s girl. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that my mom was a tiny little thing with green eyes; because of my curves and the fact that I don’t think I’ve ever weighed just 105 pounds at any one moment in my entire life, I must resemble my sturdier-sounding grandmother physically. I’m both shocked and thrilled by the rainbow of eye colors in my mother’s family; I’ve always felt pretty plain and generic with my standard-issue monochromatic brown hair and eyes.
I’m cheered to know that I have an aunt and uncle who wouldn’t be that much older than me. I wonder what they thought of the pregnancy—if they knew at all, since many girls managed to hide their baby bump until they could surreptitiously sneak out of town to deliver. Would they want to meet me if they could? I’m dying to know what they look like, too.
My actual birth information was an added bonus; for some reason, I get a kick out of knowing that the labor resulting in my birth was brief and uncomplicated, as my own were. Can mothers and daughters have labor and delivery characteristics in common? I’ve read that sisters are more likely to be similar than mother and daughter. In my case, anyway, it’s possible.
So now I can actually envision a reunion scenario--with my mother, at least. She sounds like she may have been pretty, even striking, with her dark hair, fair complexion, and green eyes. (Green eyes!) One thing’s for sure: I probably would never recognize her on the street. Now I’m scrutinizing my own children’s bodies in a new way, trying to determine whether any of these surprising new physical features have manifested in them yet…as far as I can see, the dark eyes and hair of their mom and especially their dad have dominated, although it would’ve been neat to see some mysterious variation pop up. Who knows—they may still end up with a light build like their grandparents.
This informational intoxication has already prompted me to take artistic liberties with all of my former biofamily fantasies...a potentially dangerous luxury. Suddenly they’ve morphed into a lovely, fairly nuclear collective with respectable occupations—the perfect cookie-cutter 1970s family--aside from their dirty little secret.