- A Question of Trust
- Intro: The Birth of a Blog
- You and Me Could Write a Bad Romance: Part I
- Bad Romance, Part II: The Couch
- Bastard Package #1
- Hallelujah
- Born This Way
- Baby Girl X
- Another Victim of Love
- True Life
- The Girls Who Went Away
- Love and Other Drugs
- 11 Things Adoptees Love to Hear
- Uh, Never Mind
- Adoptee Kid Lit
- Bastard Princess and the Search for the Holy Grail
- MYOFB
- Awkwardness
- Baby Steps
- Faith, Hope, and Catholic Charities
- Special Delivery
- Green-eyed Monster
- !@#$
- Pandora
- Fantasyland
- Adoptees You May Have Heard Of
- Big MAC Attack
- Material Girl
- VISA and Mastercard Accepted
- Don't Hold Your Breath
- Our Love is Like a Constipated Cat
- A Question of Trust
- Adoption, Hollywood Style
- All in the Family
Adoptee Kid Lit
I can’t remember ever reading a single kids’ books about being adopted when I was younger; maybe in the 1970s, kids’ adoption issues hadn’t yet been recognized as an area of dire need. But I noticed several during my frequent shifts in Barnes & Noble’s Children’s department. I got several requests for Jamie Lee Curtis’s classic high-profile picture book, Tell Me Again About the Night I was Born, a sugarcoated feelgood fairytale-style picture book with whimsical illustrations in which adoptive parents (like Curtis herself) tell kids how they came to arrive in their current family. As an adopted adult, I don’t find Curtis’s approach even remotely satisfying. In fact, I actually felt guilty for being unable to go along with the ruse. My dissatisfaction led me to survey some of the adoption books currently offered by our local library to see how many actually validate the often confusing and negative feelings that adopted kids may have.
A majority of the adoption-related juvenile books out there in my very limited survey relied on the theme of “chosenness”—telling adopted readers that they’re special because they were selected--a lovely concept. However, they ignore the obvious fact that, in order for a child to have been chosen, it means that they must have been available to be chosen for some reason. Some authors address this question head-on by telling the kids that their original parents couldn’t take care of them but still wanted the best for them. Fair enough. However, they’re forgetting that kids aren’t stupid, even young ones. It won’t take long for normal kids beyond toddlerhood to become dissatisfied with this left-handed answer, and those old anxieties about being different creep right back in. It’s very hard not to take surrender personally, isn’t it? Whether learning that you aren’t wanted occurs via adoption, job loss, breakup, or divorce, it just plain sucks.
The Bastard Princess Award Winner: Zachary’s New Home by Geraldine Blomquist. The author hits the nail on the head in this sensitive yet fearless acknowledgement of the deepest, most troubling issues of adopted kids. Main character Zachary, who was adopted as an infant, wonders what he did wrong to make his birth mother give him up. He’s often sad and lonely and has frequent nightmares. He wonders why he doesn’t look like his adoptive parents. At school, Zachary feels angry, has trouble concentrating, and gets into fights. At the end of the story, his parents get clued in and acknowledge his deep sense of loss and its source. Well done!
I also liked Adoption is for Always by Linda Walvoord Girard, which explains the concept of birth parents and surrender and acknowledges the adopted heroine’s negative feelings about being adopted. In Star of the Week, a young adopted Chinese girl prepares to discuss her “All About Me” project with her class. “I wonder if my friends will ask a lot of questions about my birth parents and adoption. I don’t like to talk about it sometimes. Mom and Dad say I can tell people it’s private if I want to.” Word up, Sister. I know exactly how you feel.
I stumbled onto a classic today at our public library’s book sale: Jill Krementz’s What it Feels Like to Be Adopted. It’s a simple concept—photos of adopted kids of all races and ages accompanied by their essays about their feelings. With my predator’s eye, I fanned through the book to see whether the bad was addressed along with the good… Affirmative. Two BP thumbs up for keepin’ it real!
Other adoptee-recommended juvie books about being adopted that I couldn’t physically locate but would probably approve of:
· Yafi’s Family: an Ethiopian Boy’s Journey of Love, Loss, and Adoption
· Who Am I? by Charlene Giannetti
· Adoption: How to Deal with Questions From Your Past
· Pieces of Me: Who do I Want to Be?
For teens, I liked All About Adoption by Anne Lanchon. It’s done in a question-and-answer format with hip little illustrations. It tackles such issues as overparenting, blaming all one’s problems on being adopted, abandonment issues, and sibling dynamics. It acknowledges the fact that it’s natural to have lots of questions and to have a need for privacy.
In conclusion, keep in mind that juvie adoption books are NOT all created equal. My advice is to take time to find those that acknowledge and validate the child’s pain--they’ll help you let the child know that you’re aware of their adoption-related issues, opening the door to ongoing discussion, and thus help you to build a more empathetic and bonded relationship. It takes only a little effort and goes a long way toward helping your kid understand his feelings.
A majority of the adoption-related juvenile books out there in my very limited survey relied on the theme of “chosenness”—telling adopted readers that they’re special because they were selected--a lovely concept. However, they ignore the obvious fact that, in order for a child to have been chosen, it means that they must have been available to be chosen for some reason. Some authors address this question head-on by telling the kids that their original parents couldn’t take care of them but still wanted the best for them. Fair enough. However, they’re forgetting that kids aren’t stupid, even young ones. It won’t take long for normal kids beyond toddlerhood to become dissatisfied with this left-handed answer, and those old anxieties about being different creep right back in. It’s very hard not to take surrender personally, isn’t it? Whether learning that you aren’t wanted occurs via adoption, job loss, breakup, or divorce, it just plain sucks.
The Bastard Princess Award Winner: Zachary’s New Home by Geraldine Blomquist. The author hits the nail on the head in this sensitive yet fearless acknowledgement of the deepest, most troubling issues of adopted kids. Main character Zachary, who was adopted as an infant, wonders what he did wrong to make his birth mother give him up. He’s often sad and lonely and has frequent nightmares. He wonders why he doesn’t look like his adoptive parents. At school, Zachary feels angry, has trouble concentrating, and gets into fights. At the end of the story, his parents get clued in and acknowledge his deep sense of loss and its source. Well done!
I also liked Adoption is for Always by Linda Walvoord Girard, which explains the concept of birth parents and surrender and acknowledges the adopted heroine’s negative feelings about being adopted. In Star of the Week, a young adopted Chinese girl prepares to discuss her “All About Me” project with her class. “I wonder if my friends will ask a lot of questions about my birth parents and adoption. I don’t like to talk about it sometimes. Mom and Dad say I can tell people it’s private if I want to.” Word up, Sister. I know exactly how you feel.
I stumbled onto a classic today at our public library’s book sale: Jill Krementz’s What it Feels Like to Be Adopted. It’s a simple concept—photos of adopted kids of all races and ages accompanied by their essays about their feelings. With my predator’s eye, I fanned through the book to see whether the bad was addressed along with the good… Affirmative. Two BP thumbs up for keepin’ it real!
Other adoptee-recommended juvie books about being adopted that I couldn’t physically locate but would probably approve of:
· Yafi’s Family: an Ethiopian Boy’s Journey of Love, Loss, and Adoption
· Who Am I? by Charlene Giannetti
· Adoption: How to Deal with Questions From Your Past
· Pieces of Me: Who do I Want to Be?
For teens, I liked All About Adoption by Anne Lanchon. It’s done in a question-and-answer format with hip little illustrations. It tackles such issues as overparenting, blaming all one’s problems on being adopted, abandonment issues, and sibling dynamics. It acknowledges the fact that it’s natural to have lots of questions and to have a need for privacy.
In conclusion, keep in mind that juvie adoption books are NOT all created equal. My advice is to take time to find those that acknowledge and validate the child’s pain--they’ll help you let the child know that you’re aware of their adoption-related issues, opening the door to ongoing discussion, and thus help you to build a more empathetic and bonded relationship. It takes only a little effort and goes a long way toward helping your kid understand his feelings.