- A Question of Trust
- Intro: The Birth of a Blog
- You and Me Could Write a Bad Romance: Part I
- Bad Romance, Part II: The Couch
- Bastard Package #1
- Hallelujah
- Born This Way
- Baby Girl X
- Another Victim of Love
- True Life
- The Girls Who Went Away
- Love and Other Drugs
- 11 Things Adoptees Love to Hear
- Uh, Never Mind
- Adoptee Kid Lit
- Bastard Princess and the Search for the Holy Grail
- MYOFB
- Awkwardness
- Baby Steps
- Faith, Hope, and Catholic Charities
- Special Delivery
- Green-eyed Monster
- !@#$
- Pandora
- Fantasyland
- Adoptees You May Have Heard Of
- Big MAC Attack
- Material Girl
- VISA and Mastercard Accepted
- Don't Hold Your Breath
- Our Love is Like a Constipated Cat
- A Question of Trust
- Adoption, Hollywood Style
- All in the Family
All in the Family
Back when Catholic Charities first told me that my adoption case files were mysteriously empty, I gave my dad an update. He shared my bewilderment and regretted that he and my mom had no more information to help me fill in the blanks.
We talked a bit about my issues and the things I was learning about my mental state. I thought he’d really come around to understanding my point of view. Then he said,
Dad: Look at your life. Wouldn’t you say that your life’s pretty good aside from the adoption factor?
Me: Sure. Before my marriage blew up, I’d thought, wow, I have a great home, I love where we live, I have a great husband and family, and I run my own business. The American Dream. It’s not about that.
Dad: Well, maybe if you don’t focus on the adoption so much, you’ll feel better about things and life will get better.
Me: (Sigh.) Dad, that’s why I’m in therapy in the first place--because I’ve denied my feelings for 40 years, and now it’s destroying my marriage, among other things. In fact, I’ve been so repressed that it took a mental health professional to show me how profoundly I’ve been affected.
This is what I’m dealing with. My dad’s an educated man, but lately talking about my issues with him makes me feel like The Meathead trying to reason with Archie. He’s trying to understand, but I guess he just can’t wrap his head around this stuff. Chances are, he’s taking it personally, as my mom always seems to. It seems that 40 years of believing that adoption always produces happy endings for everyone will be hard to undo, and not just for me. He sees nothing wrong with my mom telling me that I should simply be glad to be alive, either. So maybe I’ll just limit the details I share with him, stick to the big picture and avoid philosophical discussions—it just seems to turn into a frustrating debate.
We talked a bit about my issues and the things I was learning about my mental state. I thought he’d really come around to understanding my point of view. Then he said,
Dad: Look at your life. Wouldn’t you say that your life’s pretty good aside from the adoption factor?
Me: Sure. Before my marriage blew up, I’d thought, wow, I have a great home, I love where we live, I have a great husband and family, and I run my own business. The American Dream. It’s not about that.
Dad: Well, maybe if you don’t focus on the adoption so much, you’ll feel better about things and life will get better.
Me: (Sigh.) Dad, that’s why I’m in therapy in the first place--because I’ve denied my feelings for 40 years, and now it’s destroying my marriage, among other things. In fact, I’ve been so repressed that it took a mental health professional to show me how profoundly I’ve been affected.
This is what I’m dealing with. My dad’s an educated man, but lately talking about my issues with him makes me feel like The Meathead trying to reason with Archie. He’s trying to understand, but I guess he just can’t wrap his head around this stuff. Chances are, he’s taking it personally, as my mom always seems to. It seems that 40 years of believing that adoption always produces happy endings for everyone will be hard to undo, and not just for me. He sees nothing wrong with my mom telling me that I should simply be glad to be alive, either. So maybe I’ll just limit the details I share with him, stick to the big picture and avoid philosophical discussions—it just seems to turn into a frustrating debate.