- A Question of Trust
- Intro: The Birth of a Blog
- You and Me Could Write a Bad Romance: Part I
- Bad Romance, Part II: The Couch
- Bastard Package #1
- Hallelujah
- Born This Way
- Baby Girl X
- Another Victim of Love
- True Life
- The Girls Who Went Away
- Love and Other Drugs
- 11 Things Adoptees Love to Hear
- Uh, Never Mind
- Adoptee Kid Lit
- Bastard Princess and the Search for the Holy Grail
- MYOFB
- Awkwardness
- Baby Steps
- Faith, Hope, and Catholic Charities
- Special Delivery
- Green-eyed Monster
- !@#$
- Pandora
- Fantasyland
- Adoptees You May Have Heard Of
- Big MAC Attack
- Material Girl
- VISA and Mastercard Accepted
- Don't Hold Your Breath
- Our Love is Like a Constipated Cat
- A Question of Trust
- Adoption, Hollywood Style
- All in the Family
Another Victim of Love
I’m in a weird place right now mentally. I don’t think I’ve ever really been the victimy type; I know that no one can be a victim without their own permission, and I’ve never believed in being a doormat or tolerated them very well. Doormats make me mad, so I try to inspire (i.e., control) them—just ask all the people I’ve bossed around in my life.
When we recently started therapy, Mark assessed our personalities and most pressing psychological issues. First and foremost, he identified my main issues as shame, abandonment, and rejection—not surprising considering my history. To my surprise, he theorized that I’ve been living and reliving these events over and over since birth; in fact, they all played a role in my choosing Jeremy as my husband, the person who would reopen my old wounds and thus help me confront them, flush them with emotional Betadine, and help them heal.
Some of my more recent reading material, Adoption Healing and Coming Home to Self, has confirmed as much. So, having just discovered this hidden side of myself, I feel entitled to own these feelings—don’t I have to in order to eradicate them? But I’m now realizing that it’s really sucks to own feelings that I’m not supposed to express, as that would be victimy. But isn’t that just repressing them? (Sigh.) Gah. I really don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore.
This victim confusion is also affecting how I’m dealing with Jeremy’s issues. He’s now working through some fairly serious depression related to his breakup with the third person in our marriage--The Other Woman. He misses her. How dare he?! And his funk could last up to a year. Seriously? Just last week, I met Jeremy for lunch at a Mexican place near his work, and I suspected that he’d been there with the homewrecking bitch, as well (I later learned that I was right). So naturally, I’m having just a little trouble working up sympathy for him right now. Is he this broken up about damaging our marriage? But apparently his sadness supersedes mine. WTF? I wasn’t unfaithful, yet I’m supposed to hold his hand until he feels better? Who’s holding my hand? Is Jeremy even concerned about rebuilding my trust, or is it all about him?
Maybe I’m just being a whiny bitch. But I’m confused—do I acknowledge those ugly feelings or not? Mark just told me that I don’t express my raw emotions often or thoroughly enough. And I thought men were supposed to the emotionally challenged ones…I’m clueless. At least I know I’ll have something to discuss in therapy this week.
When we recently started therapy, Mark assessed our personalities and most pressing psychological issues. First and foremost, he identified my main issues as shame, abandonment, and rejection—not surprising considering my history. To my surprise, he theorized that I’ve been living and reliving these events over and over since birth; in fact, they all played a role in my choosing Jeremy as my husband, the person who would reopen my old wounds and thus help me confront them, flush them with emotional Betadine, and help them heal.
Some of my more recent reading material, Adoption Healing and Coming Home to Self, has confirmed as much. So, having just discovered this hidden side of myself, I feel entitled to own these feelings—don’t I have to in order to eradicate them? But I’m now realizing that it’s really sucks to own feelings that I’m not supposed to express, as that would be victimy. But isn’t that just repressing them? (Sigh.) Gah. I really don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore.
This victim confusion is also affecting how I’m dealing with Jeremy’s issues. He’s now working through some fairly serious depression related to his breakup with the third person in our marriage--The Other Woman. He misses her. How dare he?! And his funk could last up to a year. Seriously? Just last week, I met Jeremy for lunch at a Mexican place near his work, and I suspected that he’d been there with the homewrecking bitch, as well (I later learned that I was right). So naturally, I’m having just a little trouble working up sympathy for him right now. Is he this broken up about damaging our marriage? But apparently his sadness supersedes mine. WTF? I wasn’t unfaithful, yet I’m supposed to hold his hand until he feels better? Who’s holding my hand? Is Jeremy even concerned about rebuilding my trust, or is it all about him?
Maybe I’m just being a whiny bitch. But I’m confused—do I acknowledge those ugly feelings or not? Mark just told me that I don’t express my raw emotions often or thoroughly enough. And I thought men were supposed to the emotionally challenged ones…I’m clueless. At least I know I’ll have something to discuss in therapy this week.